Happy Heavenly 20th Birthday Carter!

 

Happy Heavenly Birthday to Carter today! He would have been celebrating his 20^th birthday. One of the hardest things to think about after missing eleven birthdays with Carter is not knowing what he would look like at 20. I try to imagine, but I still see him at 9. Can you imagine Carter at 20? Do you think he’d still have the Klimek look? Or look more like his dad and brother? I sure do miss him. I’m so sad I didn’t get to see him grow up. That I didn’t get to do life with him and celebrate his birthdays.

Lord, we need You. Help us to concentrate on the eternal rather than the temporal. “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.” 1 Peter 1:6

 Photo: Cub Scout Camp 2010. I think he looks like his cousins, Austin & Andrew. He absolutely loved the outdoors.

A Decade Ago that Feels like Yesterday

 10 years ago today the unthinkable happened. An entire decade ago, Carter's life was cut short due to an erratic driver on the way to school. One very normal school morning of getting ready, hopping in the car, talking and singing in the car, to the most horrific thing we have ever experienced - Carter's life was taken from us. And it still feels like it happened yesterday. Our family completely shattered, still trying to pick-up the pieces to this day. I never thought I would be here 10 years later. I thought for sure God would have taken me too, because He knows I can't live without Carter. I thought, perhaps, that was His plan and that was why Carter was taken too soon. 10 years later, I feel caught. I'm caught between the longing of going to my Heavenly home to be with Carter. And my world here of raising my children. I am no longer afraid of death. I long for the day to be where Carter is. The only thing that remains after such brokenness is God's truth. Everything else can be wiped from us, but God's truth stands tall and strong in comfort and hope. God's love is the cure for the brokenness in my life. Everything else around me is constantly changing, but not God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. And that is where I place my hope and my life. Without it, I have no hope, no future, and nothing to look forward to. I have nothing.

Please remember Carter today. He was the most adventurous, creative, imaginative, fun-filled, silly boy who had the biggest smile ever. He had a heart for Jesus, always reminding us that God is #1. He loved his family like crazy, his dog Toby like no other, and was super-protective of his little brother

Bradley Dorwin

, (who is not so little anymore). Anyone that knew Carter, knows there was never a dull moment. He loved life to the fullest. We sure do miss him. A piece to our family is gone without him.

"Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sin! But he was pierced for our rebellion. crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed." Isaiah 53:4-5

Until we meet again, little buddy, mom will never stop missing you.

Happy Heavenly 19th Birthday Carter

Shouting out a "Happy Heavenly Birthday" to our Carter today, who would have been 19 years old. I can't even believe it...he would have been 19 today. And yet Forever 9 in our hearts. We've missed ten birthdays with him. Ten. The hardest thing I've ever done is to live every day since he died. I will always miss my son. May we know God's eternal comfort and peace in all things and in all ways. I will forever walk by faith, not by sight. "For we live by believing and not by seeing" 2 Corinthians 5:7

We miss you, Carter Mike, and miss celebrating July 27th with you every year.

Heavenly 18th Birthday

My boy would have been a man today as he should have been turning 18 years old. His 18th birthday today. Instead Carter is Forever 9. We are sad we didn't get to see him grow up. No matter how many years go by, there never feels like a "right" way to celebrate Carter's birthday without him. It feels wrong on every level. I rack my brain every year trying to figure out what to do to celebrate his life, the love we have for him, all while mourning his loss. We want to honor Carter's life, in some little way. It's a journey I wish no parent would have to experience. Trying to celebrate while grieving. My heart is with everyone who is grieving for their child.

We will remember - God is with us and for us. Without Him, we would have nothing to look forward to. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" Revelation 21:4

Happy 18th birthday little buddy. We miss you terribly.

Happy 17th birthday to my Forever 9 year old. Still trying to figure out how to live life without him. One horrific morning that changed our lives forever. Every birthday is the marking of another year without Carter. Grief doesn’t go away. It becomes a part of you. It’s a constant balance of grief in one hand and a happy life in the other.

We rise up with God. We allow Him to carry us through and believe in something greater than our own understanding. We will hold fast to faith because we know that He is good in all things....in joy and sorrow.

Remember to speak his name to us. We want to hear it. We want to remember with you.

“The hardest thing I ever had to hear was that my child died. The hardest thing I’ll ever have to do is to live everyday since that moment”

For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

November 16, 2017

November 16, 2017- Seven years without Carter

Today I can just be me…..sad, broken and lonely without my son. I don’t have to put on a front and hold it all together today. I don’t have to do life and push aside the pain that tears me apart inside. I can just be me with an overwhelming sadness and pain of losing Carter. I can let go of the uncomfortable feel and awkwardness of walking this journey, knowing what happened, what we saw, and what’s behind the smile on our faces. I don’t have to hide it today, and that’s okay. Few know the anxiety that now envelopes my life each day and the terror that overcomes me of my living children. The numerous nights each week that I wake up during the night, hit in the face with the reminder of what happened and reliving it over and over again.

After seven years, even our “good” days are still harder than you can imagine. A grief that lasts a lifetime – the missing of a child that you so badly want to hold…..just one more time. Just as parents of living children unconditionally love their children always and forever, so do bereaved parents. I want to speak about Carter just as normally and naturally as I speak of Bradley and Zsolt.

Though I will grieve the death of Carter forever, I will cherish life. I now live and love deeper. Because I grieve, I know joy like no other. The joy I experience now is far deeper and more intense than the joy I experienced before my loss. I bonded with people that I didn’t even know, but we share a common bond of surviving life without our child.

I don’t remember a time when I’ve gotten mad at God, but I have questioned Him many times, trying to make sense of the why’s and asking, “why me, why us, why Carter?” I know we’ll never have those answers, but I am so very thankful for God giving us 9 years with Carter. I know God only gives us our children for a period of time and then takes them back. I know its God’s will and not ours. But He is the One who comforts and His word is our life preserver. God surrounds us with His love and keeps us a float no matter the storm in our life. I chose to do life with God. I believe in Him, in Heaven, and believe that Carter lives with Him. If I didn’t, I would have a long, hard life without any hope. It’s a life of living by faith and not by sight. So please, God, use my pain for Your glory.

“For we live by faith, not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Happy 16th Heavenly Birthday, Carter

No matter how hard I try, I cannot escape this day or the pain of loss. The last birthday we celebrated with Carter was his 9th birthday. Like we say, Carter is "Forever 9". He would now be 16. We imagine he would most likely be going for his license today. We see kids the same age going through this - the pain hits hard. I feel like it should be us going through this. I miss being able to go thro...ugh life with Carter and am deeply saddened. The loss of our son is great.

I am reminded in my Daily Devotion that God loves Carter more than we do. It doesn't even seem possible that someone could love Carter more than us. But it's true. Walking in faith and believing this helps us to trust Him in whatever happens. We walk toward the promise that God is good, even when the circumstances are unclear. I choose God as the Ruler of my life as I walk this broken road.

O God, You know my fears and worries. Help me remember Your faithfulness and not be afraid.
Christ is our only security in a changing world. Whatever may happen in this world, Christ remains forever changeless. (Hebrews 1:11-12)

HAPPY 16TH HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY CARTER! Love you sweet boy!

I will never recover from my loss and will never get over missing Carter, but I still cherish life!