Six years ago today...

1. Six years ago today…..
   …was like any other school morning. The boys and I were on our way to school. I had FCCLA students ready to go on our field trip to Madison that morning. I had a little boy who did not want to get out of bed, like all the other mornings. To think how different our lives would have been if I had let him sleep for just five more minutes. On our way to school, we talked about our day and I reminded Carter that he had wrestling registration after sch...ool.
   

   I could see him coming….I could. I knew it was not good and I did not know what to do. He was coming at us so fast; faster than what I could process and think what to do. It happened so fast. I got over as far as I could get off the road. Last words that morning in the car, “Oh, dear God!”
   “What’s wrong, Mom?”, were the last words I heard from my son.
   All of our family dreams.…..shattered. Done. In the blink of an eye. Not only did Carter’s life end that morning, but so did ours’. A little brother who saw images of his older brother that no child should ever see….that no one should ever see.
   Flat on my face….Oh Lord, please pick up the shattered pieces of my heart – I cannot do this alone.
   As someone told me at Carter’s funeral, “Life goes on….” Yes, it sure does, but it is a life full of suffering, pain and just plain survival. And, yet, God calls us to do it. And each one of us had to find our own peace with it. Bradley spent about two years being angry. I wish there was a good way to explain death to a five-year-old. A mom who internally struggles every day that she could not protect her son. A dad who struggles internally every day that he could not protect his family. A family that lives without this precious boy. This is how life goes on. One day at a time.
   Thankfully, we are not alone. Without God, there would be nothing. No reason to live. We know differently. Our God has been with us through it all. We’ve seen Him slowly and gently picking up the pieces of our shattered lives. There’s a different kind of strength you find after you’ve survived something terrible. Even in our darkest times, the hope of Christ shines brighter. When we are weak, He is our strong comfort. When we are exhausted, He is our strength.
   “Hear my prayer, Lord, listen to my cry for help; do not be deaf to my weeping.” Psalm 39:12

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