Monday, July 27, 2015

Thinking of Carter at 14....

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, CARTER!



One would think that it would get easier as the birthdays come year after year.  But it seems harder, as we imagine our child another year older and very aware of the years that we have missed.  We have missed watching Carter grow up.

As we walk this broken road, we know that there is nothing other than Christ that can fulfill us.  We look forward to the coming day when we can be with Him forever and see our children again. 

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:14.

There will be a day when we can put all of our suffering and tears behind us and spend eternity with the ones we love..... we can spend eternity with our precious children! We have to keep on trusting that God's ways are higher than our ways.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9.

Praying that the Lord will strengthen us from within to walk in the plans that He has for us, even when its hard. Praying that the Lord will enable us to trust Him in all things. We are hanging on by the grip of God.






The Hope of Heaven

Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes. Pray at all times.
 
Romans 12:12
 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Remembering....

Brothers and best buds....



Falling asleep while traveling "up north"...



Lake Como 4th of July Parade...




Lake Geneva beach....



Walworth County Fair...




Good morning Carter and Toby.....




Reading in bed (with sunglasses on)  :) ...



Massage chairs at Kohl's...............



Oktoberfest, Lake Geneva...



Supper at Pizza Hut.....



Lots of time at the beach.....







I remember sitting on the side of the road, waiting for the ambulance, with Bradley on my lap; completely silent and terrified.  I remember thinking over and over in my head, "Oh dear God, how am I going to do this?" I kept thinking....there is no way I will be able to do this.  I will not be able to survive my son's death.

A stranger sat next to us in silence on the side of the road.  I did not know him.  I remember asking him, "How am I going to do this?"  And he simply answered, "I don't know......I don't know."

Time was caught between two worlds for me.....one of the past, which was so wonderful to me, and was now lying in a tangled mess on the side of the road; and the other was the future, which I did not want to face.

There is a constant darkness....a constant shadow that hangs over me.  There is no way to escape the pain of loss.  My life is truly being held by God.  I most desire to be in His presence.

I am hanging on by the grace of God.

1 Peter 1:3-12

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.

So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.

This salvation was something even the prophets wanted to know more about when they prophesied about this gracious salvation prepared for you. They wondered what time or situation the Spirit of Christ within them was talking about when he told them in advance about Christ’s suffering and his great glory afterward.

They were told that their messages were not for themselves, but for you. And now this Good News has been announced to you by those who preached in the power of the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. It is all so wonderful that even the angels are eagerly watching these things happen."

Monday, July 20, 2015

Here's my heart Lord

Isn't it just like Carter to be making sure Toby is safe!!









Lord, please speak what is true!!
 

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Lord, I need You...





Death is a gateway we all must pass through to reach that fair land where the soul's born anew, for man's born to die, and his sojourn on earth is a short span of years beginning with birth. 
 
And like pilgrims we wander until Death takes our hand and we start on the journey to God's Promised Land, a place where we'll find no suffering or tears, where time is not counted in days, months, or years.
 
And in that fair city that God has prepared are unending joys to be happily shared with all of our loved ones who patiently wait on death's other side to open the gate.

Helen Steiner Rice




Sunday, June 21, 2015



"Sometimes when a light goes out of our lives and we are left in darkness and we do not know which way to go, we must put our hand into the hand of God and ask Him to lead us.  And if we let our lives become a prayer until we are strong enough to stand under the weight of our own thoughts again, somehow, even the most difficult hours are bearable" ........Helen Steiner Rice

Happy Father's Day to my husband who faithfully continues to lead us through dark times.

Heavenly Father, may the favor of the Lord rest on my husband.  Bless and establish the work of his hands and his heart.  We are holding on to You!!
 
"Even when we are too weak to have any faith left, He remains faithful to us and will help us....and He will always carry out His promises to us." 2 Timothy 2:13
 

Monday, May 11, 2015

Mother's Day

Hello, my name is Nicole and I am Carter, Bradley and Jacob's mom...
 
Some of my children are here, some are in heaven, and some are just dreamed about!!
 


Other days of the year I can pretend that I am an ordinary person and that life is normal; I can maybe make it a few hours without thinking about Carter. Mother's Day for a bereaved mom feels different.  I could only hope to go a few hours without thinking about him. 

And yet, I've been able to experience motherhood - and I am so very thankful for that.

Our children are gifts to us for however long we have them.

Thank You, Jesus, that I am Carter, Bradley and Jacob's mom.  Help me to fight the good fight of faith.


 
One thing I know for sure....I absolutely love being a mom. 
Thank You, Jesus, for your almighty protection over Bradley. 
He blesses each and every moment of my life......


Thursday, April 23, 2015

Christ Lutheran School Auction Fundraiser

Christ Lutheran School
10th Annual Auction Fundraiser
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Eagles Club Lake Hallie


Don't forget to purchase your ticket to this years 10th Annual Auction at the Lake Hallie's Eagles Club on April 25th.
 
$20 per person or $35 per couple.
 
5pm Silent Auction
6pm-7pm Dinner Buffet
7pm-7:30pm Dessert Station/Slide show
7:30pm Live Auction

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Jesus is the light of the world.....John 8:12

He is risen!
He is victorious!
He is eternal!
 
Thank You, Jesus, for Your incredible sacrifice!!
 
 

Friday, April 3, 2015

He Knows







"Things that are seen don't last forever, but things that are not seen are eternal.  That's why we keep our minds on the things that cannot be seen."  2 Corinthians 4:18



Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Good News

Slow progress is better than no progress.

"But you - keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant."  2 Timothy 4:5

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Sunday's coming!

At one of my lowest moments, realization and remembrance flooded my heart and mind: God lost His Son too, His only Son. The Father knew my loss, pain and brokenness oh so well.



 
MARCH 31, 2015
Moving From Grief to Grace
Susan B. Mead
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
Grief hits each one of us and can come from so many different directions.
A romantic relationship gone awry. The loss of a cherished friendship. A puppy put down. Empty arms and a broken heart due to abortion. Infertility. Abuse. The death of a loved one.
Dreams with a hope and future dashed in an instant. I know. I’ve lived it, too.
A phone call changed my hopes and future as Matt, my older son, wailed into the phone about my younger son, "Kyle died last night!"
Oh, God.
NO, GOD!
Hopes, dreams, future …
Wedding invitations from his friends simply ripped my heart apart. Birth announcements of babies from those now married friends rekindled the loss. And the realization that there would be no grandchildren from him — running to me, holding their pudgy little hands or him tossing them into the sky showered with shouts of glee — hit hard.
Yes, weddings, graduations, birth announcements — all reminders of those hope-filled dreams that had been shattered — caused weeping, groaning and bitterness. My heart often wondered: Will I remain bitter or will I get better? Will I continue to dissolve into tears, or will I ever erupt into cheers for these precious friends?
At one of my lowest moments, realization and remembrance flooded my heart and mind: God lost His Son too, His only Son. The Father knew my loss, pain and brokenness oh so well.
That revelation was like supernatural glue applied to bind my wounded soul. The lost, dark, broken part receded as God proceeded to heal my broken heart with His love and light.
How about your lost plans, hopes and dreams?
Are you bitter?
Do you want to be better?
Are you ready to lay your heavy cares at the foot of the cross … and leave that burden there, so you can step into God’s plans for you? Jesus promised, "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light," (Matthew 11:30, NKJV).
God’s plan for His Son was not what the people hoped for and expected as they celebrated the arrival of Jesus in Jerusalem that first Palm Sunday, then experienced His death on the cross by week’s end. They did not know Easter Sunday — His Son’s day — was coming.
Remember, friend … Sunday’s coming! Jesus arose from the grave by the grace of God to save and redeem us. He has plans for us that include a hope and a future, even when our plans are dashed and we can’t see beyond the overwhelming loss of now.
"‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
We lost Kyle seven years and three days ago today. Yet, out of the ashes of grief a story of grace rises — the grace of our Lord, Jesus.
 
Father, help me ease the grip on my grief and lay it at the foot of Your Son’s cross. Thank You that You can bind our wounds and heal our broken hearts. Remind us of Your magnificent plans for us, Lord God. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
 

Monday, March 30, 2015

The Light of Life




Lord, prepare my heart for renewal - so that I may leave behind the darkness and welcome the Light.  Help me to hold on.....

Friday, March 13, 2015

Friday, January 2, 2015

Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, enable me to trust You in all things.  Strengthen me from within to walk in the plans You have for me, to follow Your will, even when its hard.




Amen